Friday, October 31, 2008

In a Weird Place

...why do I feel like I'm in a weird place? No, it has nothing to do with Halloween. I don't recognize this date as a holiday and haven't dressed up since I was 12. But bad things have happened recently and I've been in a slight funk. Is it that I'm exhausted from working a new, very cerebrally challenging job? Is it that I'm undergoing a major life change? Is it that I'm sensing a societal, political, and cultural shift that is undetectable only to those asleep or on another planet? Is it that I hate cold weather and don't want to go anywhere further than two blocks from my apartment, which limits me to like two places. Who knows?
What I do know is that I spent an evening playing a game (darts) I would never have considered playing and getting drunk with a man I've known for 4 years now and still wonder if I'm destined to be "friends" with men because I have never found what I want. Maybe what I want doesn't exist anymore. Could that be? A guy who likes to cuddle. Who wants to come home and watch Netflix movies and have hot chocolate when it's cold. A man who likes to hold hands while shopping. A man who wants to go to NBA games and snuggle up at Clyde's afterwards. A man without drama. A man who respects and values me the way I respect and value him. A man who is mine and only mine. It's the American girl's dream isn't it? Can these politicians promise me that? Unfortunately not.

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Anonymous said...

If that man exists (and isn't gay) can you clone him for me? Because I have yet to find him either. And I'm at this place where I am starting to accept that I will never find it. There is nothing wrong with being single the rest of my life and I realize now that's what will happen. When I was younger, I believed I'd find my one true love and (I shudder to remember this) live happily ever after. After the last attempts at relationships, I realize what I want (to be treated with respect and loved by a mature, emotionally stable and caring man) doesn't seem to exist anymore...or at least not in this metro area. So I've given up and now concentrate on finding my career bliss and enjoying the family and friends I am very blessed to have. At this point, men are not even on my radar.

City Girl DC said...

It's so sad that many women I know, including myself, have come to this conclusion. It's not like we're looking for Superman. I mean, damn! What's going on in DC?