Saturday, January 30, 2010

Failure to Launch

Between being back at my old job and getting reacquainted with that stress, and experimental dating, I almost forgot I had a blog. Leave it to me to awaken from my Lovahville slumber to the realization that I'm with Failure to Launch Guy. I'm beginning to think that if I keep dating, I will have met every loser guy character in a movie and on Sex in the City. My biggest beef with this one is that unlike in the movie, I was not being paid by his parents to get him to leave their house. Maybe I should have suggested that to them. He actually believed that they liked having him around and that out of several other siblings, he was the favorite. Well gee, why else would he be the only adult child still at home. While the mother seemed content using her 39 year old son as an errand boy, the father had completey given up and didn't even speak the times I saw him. Yes, he actually thought trips to his parent's house qualified as dates. The last straw was when he suggested that I do my laundry there. Let's see, I'm not in college anymore and those aren't even MY parents! At one point he told me that his mom wasn't speaking to him because he was spending so much time with me. Can we spell freaky? Oh, and I can't forget how he was always borrowing a family member's car, which he had to quickly return to the suburbs the next day. Probably the biggest benefit of all that extra money he saved not paying rent was being able to use it for his toy helicopters. And no, I'm not kidding. He had several that he even tried to fly around my tiny apartment. Yes, at this point you've got to be saying I was crazy for sticking it out as long as I did. Well, to be honest, I was getting a cheap thrill out of seeing just how bad it could get. I didn't really believe this guy was serious. I do love a good story, even at the expense of my own sanity. And I did get the funniest line I've heard in a long time from him. When I finally ended it, he reassured me that there was "a gang of broads" that wanted to fuck him. I didn't even know guys still used the term 'broads' anymore. My sister, who is now separated after 20 years and dating again, tried to one-up me with her story of a guy bringing a bottle of Nutcracker liquor on a date. At least he came with an offering.

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